


Avoidance of Consequence

by Demytasse



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Bickering, Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Eventual Romance, Feelings Realization, Izaya fxxxing monologues, Kissing, M/M, One Shot, Shizaya - Freeform, the boys don't understand feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 18:39:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11606613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demytasse/pseuds/Demytasse
Summary: When everything remains the same, what is there to gain? If everything changes, what will I feel? If we part ways, will I miss you...will I miss us?A.k.a. You can't make me your god, Shizu-chan, and expect me not to teach you a lesson!





	Avoidance of Consequence

**Author's Note:**

> Sllllliiiight divergence from canon: as if their final brawl didn't happen. Set ten-ish years after their first meeting. The idea came to me when I started monologuing in my head, as I do, and it slowly developed into Izaya speaking to Shizuo, so I went with it.
> 
> Would love to hear your comments! ^^

        The late afternoon sun had drawn into a setting that matched the neon lights and LED screens that made up the streets of the city. Izaya had perched himself atop a building ledge on the outskirts of town, admiring a particularly picturesque view after finishing up his business. His chin rested on his arm which lay across a propped leg while the other dangled below him. As he gazed upon the bustle of people below, he was reminded of how much Ikebukuro had become a hollowed out shell of what it used to be for him. The people no longer sparkled with wonder, the colour gangs no longer held his interest: it all had remained the same, but it now was viewed through a melancholic lens. His thoughts were diverted when his attention was drawn away by blond hair that stood out in contrast to purples and reds. But of course, yet another thing he was conflicted with: _the Fortissimo himself_.

  
He let out a sigh waiting for the inevitable howl of his name into the twilit cityscape summoning him to do battle yet again. Why did he continue to bother lingering in this particular prefect longer than his business called for; was he really just a sucker for engaging in acts that would make a masochist beg for mercy? Maybe he would eventually bore of this repetitive game, or perhaps he would find himself forced to quit by beastly hands wringing him free of life. He laughed darkly to himself as blue shaded eyes snapped up onto his skulking frame; a clenching fist ruining the end of an unsuspecting beverage. Well, it’s not as though he didn’t predict this. 

A guttural voice bellowed from down below. “ _Izaya_ …” it warned, unusually lacking in drawn out syllables.

The aforementioned stretched before he rose from his seated position. He took a moment to obviously dust himself off as he was not really rushed to meet with his rival. It was an exhausted ritual that had become more of a chore to act out over time as the novelty had worn off, but here they were, stumbling through it like tired actors upon a stage. He forced an appropriate smirk on his lips before reciting a line from his practiced script.

“Thank you for sniffing me out on this perfectly pleasant night, Shizu-chan. I was really hoping my evening would be spoiled by the likes of you.”

Shizuo clicked his teeth in passive aggression, eyes attached to Izaya as he made his way down the side of the three storied building by hopping between levels of the fire escape. They now met on level ground, tens of feet between them while the inky black of night bled into what was left of the sunset which coloured their surroundings. The setting was painted with serene mysticism, rife with underlying tones of muted passion. The hues splashed across their faces and were absorbed by their shadow dominated wardrobes. Light reflected off sharp teeth and sleek glasses.

“Your night wouldn’t have to be ruined if you just stayed the hell out of ‘Bukuro like I have countlessly asked—”  
  
“Demanded,” Izaya interrupted; “‘Asked’ would suggest I had a choice, but you demand as if it’s an absolute.” his normal coy expression was strained.

“If I’m demanding, Izaayyaaa, then why do you keep coming back?” he said through ground teeth.

“Sigh~, because how could I stay away from such a charming face as yours~? I’m drawn to it like a flea to a dog,” he chuckled at his own clever idiom involving the other’s demeaning nickname for him.

Shizuo was obviously being overtaken by emotion, but was doing his best to keep it under control. That seemed to happen more often as of late. His hands would flex in and out of fists at his sides as a way of distracting him from his rage. Izaya wasn’t sure if he could describe the difference between Shizuo’s new form of placating himself as opposed to the past. If he had to describe it, he would say it was something akin to learning to keep it together for a prospective love interest which was amusing in and of itself.

He tipped his head forward to peer over his silver frames as the brunette shifted his weight idly. “Have you ever thought passed your own ego to realize that you constantly ruin _my_ nights, f—flea!”

It was curious the way that Shizuo stumbled upon his nickname. It was as though he had caught himself calling Izaya by the thing he just made a joke about and perhaps a connection had sparked in his miniscule brain. It’d be humorous to find out that he believed Izaya’s reasons for sticking around Ikebukuro were because he desired to see him.

“Are you suggesting that I’m the decider of whether or not you have a good night? Because the way you seek me out instead of leaving me to my own devices proves the contrary,” Izaya raised an accusatory brow.

“Yes, Izaya, that’s exactly what I’m saying. You constantly ruin any chance of me being able to control my violence! You are actively keeping me from my chance to live a life free of all…this,” he motioned between the two of them with a heavy and accentuated gesture.

Despite the volume his voice suggested was his temperament, his expression seemed to tell a story of him fighting an internal battle completely separate of what was going on. His eyes were harsh and unblinking while his eyebrows were quirked with confusion; his stance read like he was ready to react to swift attacks, but he himself seemed less willing to do so than in times prior, as if weary from too many repetitions of their pre-determined chess match.

The two seemed wordlessly in sync with one another as Izaya had been previously introspective similar to Shizuo. Being rudely drawn away from his meditative state had soured his mood and it especially made him ornery over a potential physical squabble. Tonight seemed more appropriate to enlighten the bartender with a lesson he deemed necessary in the moment. Frankly, he was tired of the same infuriating accusation from the other and it had him question his relation to the blond and what he had to offer in his life: was it actually a beneficial addition, or was he simply just something the brute can force his blame onto?

“ _Free_?” he blurted, “You want to talk about freedom, Shizu-chan, because I can inform you of the intricacies of the human concept for you,” he sounded mildly hysterical.

Crimson tones had dominated over fuchsia in the sky and brought out the manic expression of the brunette as his eyes glowed. Directly opposite him the blond let out an agitated huff as he tried to yet again bring himself down from diving into his aggression.

“This ideal you speak of: freedom. It’s really funny that you would call it out. The idea that one can live their life without any restrictions is a plague to mankind's mental fortitude. To believe that they can be entirely free is ignorant and will lead to a life unfulfilled and stricken with unhappiness as they'll spend their entire lifetime seeking a state of being that never existed to begin with. And yet, the world is populated with so many individuals who are enamored by the idea that they aren’t free while longing to be,” he paused to shoot a glance at Shizuo to make sure he was listening, finding the blond staring back at him shaking his head with his teeth barred in response to his insufferable tendencies.

“Let's say that they were able to obtain what is perceived as ultimate freedom: riches that allow one to buy and do whatever they want with limitless possibilities. But it’s only seemingly limitless. Society will still have control of how they act, the government will still keep them paying into it, and the law will prevent them from committing certain acts lest they be imprisoned. As you can see, freedom isn’t without its own chains, not to mention the strain of making true connections with others that aren’t forced or conditioned. Not as if that’s feasible for you, short of your brother taking pity and throwing you half his wealth. Haha.”

Shizuo’s frown deepened. The mention of Kasuka had struck a chord in him. His brother had done nothing but help him throughout his adult life, not excluding acting as a personal coach for managing his anger, but more specifically controlling anger related to the broker in front of him. He had explained the exhaustion their fights brought, but when asked of why he sought the other out continuously he was met with no answer. He decided to rely on his junior yet again by channeling him now as he struggled to control his mostly even temper.

He sent a warning to the other, “Izaya, I’m not up for this right now…”

Izaya tilted his head back and threw Shizuo a smirk in response before continuing onward, loosening up his speech after the other’s plea fueled him further. Tufts of fur on his coat started ruffling as he picked up a casual pace back and forth, using his hands to gesticulate points.

“I know what you’re thinking now. How is freedom actually obtainable? It’s intrinsically connected to one’s fate and their ability to control it. But that would require somehow controlling a supernatural force that determines their entire life. It just doesn’t seem possible, so instead people bend to its will,” he shook his head in dismay.

Shizuo sighed. His waning patience called upon the help of his addiction. Without having to look, he reached into his vest pocket to snag a solo cigarette; he lit the end before taking a drawn out drag that seemed to equal the length of the flea’s monologue. “You know if you get to your point quicker, maybe I’ll actually let you finish.”

“Oh? I’m touched that you’re actually willing to listen to the sweet dulcet tones of my voice for once.” He used a mocking tone, but it was still laced with annoyance as he kept getting derailed.

“Now where was I again? ...Fate takes form in the actions of others and people are quick to blame that for their shortcomings. Some person has wronged them thus forth made it impossible to move forward. Another is always more talented or skilled than them so they'll never be good enough. A bully is cutting them down and is actively keeping them from their ability to excel past it. Basically it boils down to their past experiences haunting them and ruining their chance to move onward; they have allowed their fate to be set with that perspective. They romanticize the idea of being locked away from their potential and disregard trying to gain control over it. But therein lies the problem,” he extended his index finger as a precursor to his proceeding point. His dark brows jolted up and his smirk turned to a brief mirror of an amused youth, proud of his intelligence.

“No one locked them in a prison cell of predetermined fate, and certainly no one kept the key from them. It was indeed them in control the whole time with the mere illusion that they were a prisoner of someone else. It wasn’t a rival or bully that locked them away; they just didn’t want the responsibility of their own demise and unhappiness so they thrust the key to their freedom upon another unbeknownst to them, in an act of freeing themselves of the mental burden of living with their own circumstances.”  
He sauntered closer to Shizuo and started to direct his speech more towards him.

“And people will continue to be under that impression until they come to realize that in their life they are completely responsible for everything that happens. The only way that others have control over them specifically is through sway over how they want them to perceive things or ways they wish for them react.”

With a fluid motion he reached over and plucked the cigarette that hung loosely in the bartender’s mouth. Izaya delicately placed it between his lips and took a deep inhale of smoke into his mouth. He held an extended breath before he slowly exhaled a cloud to engulf Shizuo. Slender fingers wrapped around a silken lapel in order to pull him downward to speak directly in his ear in a hushed tone, “I digress; this is about you in fact.”

A shudder coursed up his spine in reaction to the tickled breath that sent a conflicting signal of pleasure while his annoyance was still on high. In a second the moment was over as Izaya pulled back extending his hand to offer the stick back.

Shizuo reluctantly grabbed it back snapping himself out of the mood with another drag, “Oh? It’s about me. I couldn’t make the connection.” The blond snorted and smoke puffed out of his nostrils like a humoured dragon.

“Hmm, but of course it is, Shizu-chan,” his voice took on a darker tone as he continued. “You have formed this preposterous reality for yourself, a ridiculous creed that violence controls you and it’s the sole reason that you cannot live free and peacefully. Violence is just a made up concept that was created by humans to define a particular action. Another way for us to pit us against one another: what's an acceptable amount, what is unlawful, what is unjust?"

Izaya picked up pace around Shizuo like a lion on the prowl while the prey in question locked his gaze on him only turning his head when necessary.

“If it's a human concept that you are forcing the blame onto then you are claiming that all of human kind is at fault for your life not being how you desire. You truly believe your desired peaceful life is unobtainable, because humans have imprisoned you for your own lack of control over your monstrous strength. That is laughable; not only is that selfish, but it’s also cowardly!

“You can't accept the truth that you are the only one to blame so you give the control away readily. Every day you run amok through this city displaying your lack of control, and others harness you and your negligence in order to benefit from it, but rename it as employment to make you feel better.” Anger started to peel away into partial desperation when he spoke, “Any time I step within a foot of that insane radius that is your radar, excuses are made in order for you to show off your abandon of normal restriction of everyday human strength. And then you proceed to rant on and on and **on** about how I’m to blame for feeding into your violence’s control of you. Does that make me your god since I’m in control of the thing that rules you!?"

Izaya took a moment to laugh and it spilled into his speech. “You know it’s the fact that you play by human rules like selfishness that blinds your perspective that even remotely connects you to being human."

The clicking of his heeled boots stalled when Izaya came to face Shizuo straight on with a slight lean forward and hands shoved in his coat pockets. Shizuo stood with his back straightened accentuating their difference in height. The shortened stub of a cigarette rested between his fingers. His arms crossed over one another and pressed firmly against his chest. The standoff between them seemed in mock of countless times before as they examined one another for the obvious weakness.

“So let us make a temporary truce: I’ll let you live with the falsehood that you are human, and you humour me with an answer to my query. Knowing what I have kindly described free of charge to you: who is it that _really_ holds the key to your freedom, Shizu-chan?"

An unspoken ‘check mate’ was communicated in Izaya’s posture and wide grin. His rant was long winded and perhaps the message would go over his decade-long sparring partner’s head with the subtleties, but he felt the need to really drive the point home that Shizuo was at fault for everything wrong in his life. Call him petty, but he could really use a cheap victory over his rival for once. It was necessary for him to end this sick relationship between them and move onto...?

The end of his cigarette was snubbed out while Shizuo reflected on the message that was unleashed at him like he was an uneducated grade schooler. Izaya’s exaggerated presentation would have driven an older self to the brink of rage and sent him after the scumbag. But being able to listen to the brunette’s message with patience made the fog start to dissipate into a clearer understanding. Standing so close to him didn’t have him keyed up and it was difficult to grasp why it was that he found no reason to be, especially after having his enemy throw a back-handed insult at him. Maybe he appreciated someone who was truthful with him.

“My life would definitely be more peaceful without you opening your goddamn mouth. It would be more peaceful if I didn't have you riling me up constantly…” Shizuo’s words were devoid of malice as it was more an externalized thought than an accusation.

Contrary, Izaya was hit with annoyance that his speech didn’t seem to dig into the other as he pouted in a brattish way, "Were you not listening to a single word I said? The whole point was to prove that I’m not what rules your fate you dim-witted protozoan! Or do you actually see me as your god?" he spat back.

He rolled his eyes. There goes his patience, "Fuck, Izaya, were _you_ not listening? Maybe subtlety is something you can only spew at others, but aren’t able to pick up on yourself,” his tone had heighted to be a bit more aggressive. “And of _course_ you would draw a conclusion back to you being a god.”

“Oh that’s fresh. Am I going to get a lesson from the neanderthal now? Oh Shizuo-senpai, please enlighten me of how to be subtle, I know nothing of this concept and need to be shown.” Izaya mocked in a sing-songy tone fading back to agitation. “Perhaps try your normally effective method of being unbelievably _blunt_! That always worked for you.”  
  
Shizuo threw his head back. “HA! You want me to be blunt, do you? As always, let me play into your strategically planned hand of your ridiculous game. How are you still expecting the same of me a decade later? Aren’t you tired of this, Izaya?”

The two foes had been inching closer to each other as they built their conversation into a heated argument. Shizuo may have pulled the reigns on his animalistic rage, but it didn’t keep a snarl off his face. Izaya, feeling the rise in tension, instinctually flicked his blade out from his pocket and let it hang at his side. He was unsure of why he did this: it could have been second nature from repeat brawls or he was actually afraid of where their conversation was taking them.

“What I _am_ tired of, brute, is you not answering my simple question!”

“Fine! You want me to be blunt then?”

“I thought I made that clear earlier, you dim-wit!”

Shizuo jabbed his thumb at his chest exaggeratedly as he took a breath in preparation, “I'm _saying_ that I am in control, you self-important flea! You create hell and chaos for me. You’re a fuckin’ walking catalyst. But in the end I found I don't want my life to be peaceful anymore. Not if it means you not being in it,” he drew within inches of the other. Izaya’s face fell neutral, but he was lacking the ability to comprehend the message fully.  
  
Shizuo lowered into a deeper register, “ _I hold the key and I'm taking control of what I want._ "

He took advantage of their convenient shallow distance and pulled the other up by hooking fingers full of black material into fists. Shizuo removed any chance of Izaya being able to make a snarky rebuttal by sealing his lips with his own. Izaya let out a shocked breath of air while his knife fell from his grip with a ceremonious clatter. He quickly tried to process what had happened and how to respond, but he found the surprise swiftly left him in abandon for raw emotion that was shared between the two. His fingers snaked their way up Shizuo’s chest, tracing the outlines of his form-fitted vest in order to wrap his arms across muscled shoulders in order to support himself, freeing up the other’s hands to tangle in his hair.

It wasn’t well synchronized, but the two were used to things being messy and chaotic between them. Their lips were slick from fervent kisses, but it was lost as to from what while both were battling between thirst-driven sucks and hungry bites. Their bodies being pressed up against each other felt more natural than previous violence inspired connections. Eager hands examined the details of one another in intimate fashion; an action that begged to override old readings of who they were in each other’s eyes. A trace against a crooked bowtie and a tickle of tousled fur brought awareness of whose company they were sharing; they parted their lips while sharing hitched breath. With their foreheads connected they gazed at one another in a foreign way, as the moonlight rested on their shoulders illuminating their figures and drowning everything else in darkness.

A single ‘oh’ was emitted from Izaya in a whispered response to what had initiated their kiss, but it also seemed in response to the unspoken quandary of why their incessant squabbles had become less exciting and more taxing. The reason the two sought one another out was in order to stay in each other’s lives, both begging the other to not forget them. That maybe sometimes the most complicated of questions, like the multi-faceted relationship between the two rivals, had the most succinct answers.

**Author's Note:**

> You have no idea the restraint it took to not write smut at the end. >>; Something, something, it would sully the poignancy of the fic, something something, the only way to shut Izaya up is to make him speechless, something something, Shizuo's technique is apparently sucking face to suck the words out of the flea. Harrharr.


End file.
